Dark Night of the Soul v57

Dark Night of the Soul v57

9-29th September 2014 I prefer to stay away from clichés where I can… But there’s just no other way to describe this gut-wrenching purging that is tearing me apart from the inside out. My head is confused, my heart feels torn apart daily, my gut twisted, my nerves on edge. And when it gets too much I feel destructive, I want to rage at god (whoever the hell that is). I want to rage at the people I love and the people I don’t love. I want to tear up the things that don’t work in my life, and on some days I even want to tear up the things that work, so that I get to do it before it gets taken out of my hands and someone else destroys it. I have never felt so out of control… I have never had my life pulled out at the roots so violently as it has been this year. I have never before looked and felt trauma, despair and chaos all around me. But this year, that’s how it has been for an extended period of time. I have had moments of lightness, fun, inspiration and hope and laughter. And then right on the back of that is the trauma again… and I wonder when it will stop. What I have come to accept is that it will (or maybe it won’t) stop one day, but for now it’s my time to fall apart. This is the year that my life rearranges itself from the inside out. This is the year for all my conditioning and beliefs and any structures...