Disease to please

Disease to please

I heard a new term the other day – “disease to please” – and I smiled. I know I have suffered from this a lot over the years and for the most part I have a strong and available NO in my vocabulary nowadays. But every now and then the “disease to please” takes over and I find myself saying YES whilst my body contracts and the NO attempts to scream its way through my body with all my muscles further tightening to hold it down. Why do I do this? From when I was young, I learnt that in order to stay safe, to win the love and approval of significant people in my life, there were certain things I could do. This includes being “nice”, agreeing with others, going along with others’ behaviours without question, and generally over-riding any sense of my own internal voice when it clashed with the desires of the people I loved. Because I was young, safety and love from others were of key importance to me. So these were techniques that I believed necessary in order to survive life in this world.  As a grown woman, however, I know and have come to embody love and safety from within my body. I know that sometimes I am abrupt and thoughtless, I sometimes upset people, I sometimes do things that people disagree with – and I am still okay. Because I accept my behaviours and I still keep on loving myself. I provide safety and take care of my needs – because I am important to me. The voids inside left over from...