I feel burning

I feel burning

There are some intense feelings of pain, abandonment, neglect and trauma that live in my body. It’s from long ago and yet there are moments when it is activated and I feel as though it’s real now. I feel hurt, I feel burning, I feel stinging and I feel very uncomfortable. And it often comes at inopportune moments – moments where I want to be more responsible and more open to my beloved. And yet, in those moments, the pain takes over and no matter what, I feel as though I am about to be abandoned all over again. So the reaction and the protection comes to take over – to “save” me from feeling the pain all over again. My mind wants to tell me it’s too hard to be in intimate relationship and deal with these parts of myself. And yet, they don’t come to the surface when I am not in relationship. When I breathe into my heart, I know this is the next layer, this is the layer that I have been hiding, despite years and years of working on myself this is the “stuff” I have not been ready to see and feel until now. And somehow, I need to walk the path gracefully. To hold my own hand whilst also holding my beloved’s hand. To know that parts of me finally feel safe to come to the surface, so maybe it’s my time! Just maybe I can be in relationship and be open and loving and allow this volcano that burns inside of me to have its way with me, but not to...