Childhood Disrupted

Childhood Disrupted

I have been reading this book over the last 2 weeks.. still a few chapters to go, and recommending it to anyone who will listen to me!! One of my clients who has experienced very significant life trauma recommended it to me and has found it useful in addressing his anxiety, combined with the work we have been doing to unravel his inner tension. I love that this book changes the perspective on something that is commonly known by me and many in the community. We know and see that much adult illness is connected to childhood pain and trauma. What this book says is that childhood trauma is a strong indicator of illness in later life. The correlation between adverse childhood experiences (which could be bullying at school, divorce of parents, being humiliated by parents, death of parent or significant caregiver, parents fighting and other events) and chronic illness has been studied and found to be very high. The nervous system remains in a high alert state when stressful situations occur regularly but unpredictably. The child does not experience the return of the nervous system to full resting state. On reading the book I scored about 3 or 4 out of 8 on the adverse childhood experiences scale. They speak about autoimmune disorders, cancers, depression and other illnesses related to this type of childhood stress. I had an autoimmune disorder in my 20s. With all the work I have done, the disorder is no longer a part of my life. I learnt firstly how to manage the disorder naturally, but then over a longer period of time, I...
How my Dad has taught me to dance with grief

How my Dad has taught me to dance with grief

I became acutely aware of the physical implications of a broken heart when my Dad died. My auntie said that he died of a broken heart; the doctors called it a heart attack. It made sense that he died of a broken heart; he had lived quite unhappily. I was 22 and had experienced him as critical and judgmental towards me for many years, and I can see how that was the filter he viewed life through. People liked him but he managed to keep them at a distance so they didn’t become subject to his criticism. I believe he struggled to see me as separate to himself or separate from Mum, depending on the day. He was happy when he could see himself in me; he was upset when he saw Mum in me. I was a good chameleon, I was expert at reading what they all wanted from me, and so I largely avoided him being upset with me. He was sad because his life didn’t work out how he hoped. He was sad because he felt knocked down one too many times and didn’t know how to get back up. Sometimes all that hurt and pain landed in my direction. In the time following his death I grieved, I was angry, I felt guilty, and I felt a lot. The lid popped on many of the feelings I hadn’t allowed myself to feel. I also became determined not to die of a broken heart. I wanted to be healthy physically and emotionally. My Dad’s death was the reason I went to counselling at 24, a few...
Touched by Her Soul

Touched by Her Soul

Two years ago she whisperedI felt herShe was like magic inside of meI fell in love immediatelyI knew herShe was so magnificentMy heart burst with loveShe only stayed a short whileA handful of weeksBut she changed my life foreverThe inner and the outer deeply transformed by her presence I was sharing in an interview today about the effects on my life of the baby who visited me 2 years ago, how she changed my world from the inside out. After all, that is one of the deepest forms of alchemy possible, she was growing inside of my body. She changed me in ways that no one else possibly could have. With her presence, I experienced a love and compassion that I had only ever dreamt of before, when she left those qualities deepened even further in me. She activated a certain quality within me that said no to any further fragmentation, it became impossible to live a segmented life. Anything that I had suppressed – trauma, magnificence, creativity, power, feelings of all varieties – they all came up for expression through me after she left. Her presence created an activation from the inside out, and from that time on nothing in me could be left unattended. I needed to deepen my inner listening and come into greater alignment than I had ever felt before. She brought new lessons in self care and boundaries. I realised that I would have changed my life for her, and that demonstrated to me where I needed to change my life for me. I can see why she came into my life when she...